Attachment Style and Building Healthy Relationships

In the realm of building healthy relationships, attachment plays a vital role in shaping our emotional connections and overall well-being. Understanding our attachment style can provide valuable insights into how we relate to others and pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. My name is Sian Jones and I am a professional relationship therapist and I am here to guide you on a journey towards cultivating secure attachments and fostering stronger connections.

Unpacking attachment theory

Attachment theory was pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby. Who suggest,s that our early experiences with our caregivers shape our attachment styles. These styles can manifest in adulthood and influence how we approach relationships. There are four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, dismissive-avoidant,and fearful-avoidant. By identifying your attachment style, you can gain a deeper understanding of your relational patterns.

Secure Attachment

Individuals with secure attachment styles are characterised by their ability to form healthy, balanced relationships. They have a positive view of themselves and others and feel comfortable with intimac. They also possess effective communication skills. Cultivating a secure attachment style involves nurturing trust, maintaining emotional availability, and practicing active listening. Building this foundation lays the groundwork for fulfilling relationships.

Anxious Attachment

Poeple with an anxious attachment style often crave closeness but may feel insecure in relationships. They seek reassurance and worry about abandonment. To foster a more secure attachment, it is crucial to develop self-awareness and challenge negative thought patterns. Building self-esteem, engaging in self-soothing activities and communicating needs clearly can help reduce anxiety and build trust within relationships.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

Dismissive-avoidant individuals tend to downplay the importance of close relationships and often struggle with emotional intimacy. They may have a fear of dependency and prioritise self-reliance. Developing a secure attachment involves acknowledging the need for emotional connection, practicing vulnerability and gradually building trust with a partner. Learning to regulate emotions and recognise the value of emotional support can be transformative.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

Those with a fearful-avoidant attachment style often experience conflicting desires for both closeness and independence. They may fear rejection or engulfment in relationships. Overcoming this attachment style involves self-reflection, exploring past traumas and seeking professional support. By creating a safe space for emotional exploration, individuals can gradually develop a more secure attachment style.

Fostering Secure Attachments

Effective communication and intimacy are fundamental in fostering secure attachments. Developing active listening skills, expressing emotions honestly, and practicing empathy can help build trust and strengthen bonds. Creating a safe environment where both partners feel heard, validated and supported cultivates a foundation of secure attachment.

Nurturing a secure attachment style also involves prioritising self-care. Taking care of your physical, emotional and mental well-being is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice self-compassion, and set boundaries to protect your emotional needs. By valuing yourself, you enhance your ability to form secure attachments with others.

How Couple Therapy Can Help

Couple therapy can help you work out and understanding your attachment style. Working towards developing a secure attachment is a transformative journey that can lead to more fulfilling relationships. By cultivating self-awareness, embracing vulnerabilit, and engaging in effective communication, you can lay the groundwork for strong, lasting connections. Remember, building secure attachments takes time and effort, but the rewards are well worth it—a life filled with love, trust, and mutual support.

If you would like some professional help on how to understand your attachment style. Contact us at relationship counselling Surrey today. Book Now

To take a quiz and find your attachment style – click here Attachment Style Test

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Dear Relationship Counselling Surrey I can't thank you enough for all your help during our sessions. You have given me the tools and skills I need to move forward in a positive way. I particularly liked the way you had saved notes from my first contact for counselling so that at the end we could re-cap and ensure all my issues had been worked through. What was really interesting is the way you helped me to work through my problems rather than just suggesting solutions to me. I enjoyed my "eureka" moments where suddenly a penny would drop and I would see something from a completely different perspective. Thanking you so much,

Neana
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EP & WP
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Nik Edwards
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Clive and Julie
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Elaine Brown
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Anonymous
"Although my wife was not comfortable discussing our marital problems with a counsellor herself, Trish really helped me understand how to approach the issues, and gave us a good foundation/plan to build upon. They say the first step is to talk about the problems, and talking with Trish really helped!. Was the first time (aged 48) I have had any kind of counselling, which filled me with fear, but within a couple of minutes of the Zoom meeting Trish put my mind at rest."

Anonymous
"Just to say Thank you for your help, it has been invaluable and it was wonderful confiding in someone so warm and non-judgemental. The sessions were priceless in how they improved our communication and overall relationship. The tools we've learnt will be invaluable taking froward"

H & S
"We found Sian to be such a huge help in our quest for improving our communication skills. Sian will teach you how to think about your behaviour and what it's linked to so you learn to understand yourself and your partner a whole lot better. This is an invaluable technique,. She is also warm & fun which really helps!:)"

Scott and Sue
"We weren't sure what to expect, or even if it would help. Best money we ever spent!" Trish helped us, as a couple and as individuals, and we have learnt some valuable tools we will continue to use. And we are happy to say, we now feel the strongest we ever have"

Anon – West Malling
"We saw Sian for some marriage counselling online and found that she has an amazing ability to explain back to you EXACTLY how you are feeling, both me and my husband just couldn't believe it! It was like she had experienced every single feeling we had at some point so she could really relate to it. At no point did she judge either of us such she just helped understand each other's perspectives and got us actually communicating properly again! Thank you!

Anonymous
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Anonymous
"Relationship counselling with Judy was a positive experience for both of us. The initial questionnaire was a good way to get us to think deeply and try to identify issues we had and wanted to address" "Judy seemed to understand where each of us was coming from and tried to get us to see the other person's point of view"

Mr & Mrs Hakki
"The Irish" (ha ha ha!) cannot thank you enough for all you have done for us Stephanie. It's been a steep hill but we finally got there, we will never forget what you have done for us and all being well we won't be back!! :))"

Rosalyn and Patrick
Haslemere
After only 2 appointments with things started to get better and then continued to grow each session after that. With our new communication skills and understanding of each other I feel like we are back in love again! I would tell anyone not to be scared or embarrassed and it is worth every penny"

Anonymous
Woking
"My wife point blank refused to seek help for our problems with marriage counselling because she saw this as a failure she didn't want to admit to. Neither of us wanted to separate but we wanted to feel happy again. When I called Relationship Counselling Surrey to ask her advice they were so helpful! Although my wife was still hesitant to attend it's helped us greatly. We didn't even realised how stale things were and how mundane our lives had become. inspired us with new vigour and understanding and we are both happier now and actually looking forward to our retirement together rather than dreading it"

Mr and Mrs Cobhurn – Farnham
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Elsa and Mark – one very happy couple!
"Highly recommend - I contacted Relationship Counselling Surrey for an appoinment w because I was concerned that my reaction to the small irritating things my partner was doing was getting out of hand. I was anxious, angry and upset on a regular basis. I tried to blame him for a while but I started to realise it was me and not him. I saw Sophie Hill for a few months, once a week, and began to understand why I was reacting the way I was. This understanding was half the battle, and was incredibly revealing. I learned not to let my hurt feelings turn to anger and frustration, and deal with them in a different way. I feel like my old self again now, I'm more in control of my emotions, and much happier in my relationship. Sophie was sympathetic, caring, open and I think genuinely happy for me when I started to feel better”

Mrs T Albany
"As you know Michelle I have tried very hard to get over my wife's affair. Unfortunately I haven't been unable to forgive and forget and now know I never will. Although the whole experience has hurt like hell, I couldn't have done it without you. You helped me through it by giving me time, patience and a different perspective. I know more about myself and relationships than I ever did before and I'm hoping one day I will see some good in what's happened. Hopefully this will help me in my next relationship"

Steve M
Rochester
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Byron & Claire – Woking
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Tracey B & Tom
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Mr & Mrs Donahu
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Anonymous
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Hayley and John
"I didn’t think there was any hope for our relationship as all we did was argue and shout at each other. We went to see Sian at relationship counselling Guildford and she was so patient and understanding and always saw things from both points of view. We are now at a stage where we can at least communicate without getting angry. We are still working on our relationship but now feel at least there is light at the end of the tunnel"

Paul & Sue
Folkestone, Surrey

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