What to Expect
Taking the first step into couples counselling
Our experienced couples counsellors at Relationship Counselling Surrey have enabled hundreds of couples to successfully achieve their goals. However, we never lose site of the fact that taking the decision to seek help for your relationship, can be difficult and can be all the more challenging if one of you is resistant to relationship counselling.
However, rest assured, couples counselling is extremely powerful and nowhere near as daunting as you might think. Our relationship counsellors are not there to play judge and jury because it’s not about who is right or wrong. They are there to ask you all the right questions and encourage open discussion,in order for you to try understand one an others perspectives. Ultimately, it’s about helping you both achieve the outcome you want, even if one or both of you are unsure ofwhat that is at the start.
We regularly receive feedback that our couple counsellors have an exceptional ability to help all their clients feel quickly at ease. This is important, because we understand, when couples feel comfortable they find it easier to open-up and communicate. This also helps your therapist understand the particular issues you are facing – from each individual perspective.
Our Relationship counsellors certainly won’t sit there silently waiting for you to speak. They will however, take an active part in the conversation and in the process of recovery and change.
What happens?
You will be in a safe, confidential non-judgemental environment where:-
- You will both be asked what you would like to get out of the couples counselling sessions. Whether you would like to try and stay together, or perhaps want help in ending the relationship amicably. (it’s still important to go through the below process in order to be able do that).
- Or maybe, one or both of you are unsure about what you want at this stage. Perhaps you would prefer to see how you feel after the couples counselling. This is not a problem and is very common. We will work towards what you both want, even you are unsure.
- You will be both be given equal opportunity to express what you feel the issues are in the relationship and when you think they began. At this point your relationship counsellors will more than likely ask you for some examples of a situation of when a certain type of behaviour hurt/upset or angered you. This allows more context to what you are trying to explain to your partner
- As the couples therapy progresses, the aim is to encourage your partner to hear what you are saying and vice versa. That way you will both begin to see the bigger picture of what is going on between you.
- You will be both be given help to really listen and try and understand each others points of view. Importantly, having a third party perspective here can be really useful because sometimes it’s hard to see things clearly when emotions are involved.
- Both of you will find out what is really important to you and learn how to manage your emotions. You will also be given the opportunity to find out how you can set limits/expectations over what behaviour you will and won’t accept from each other.
- You will learn about each others differences and needs and agree on compromises going forward.
- It will be an opportunity for you both to gain new insight into yourself and the other person. And most importantly learn how to bring back intimacy and loving feelings if you choose to.
- When the sessions come to an end you will be given help and advice on how to keep the relationship on track if that’s the route you choose to take. You will always have the added reassurance of following up with a maintenance session at any time you choose.
Even after the first relationship counselling session. Most couples report to feeling a huge sense of relief that something is finally being done to bring about change in their relationship. Request To Book An Appointment
Reviews
-
Dear Relationship Counselling Surrey I can't thank you enough for all your help during our sessions. You have given me the tools and skills I need to move forward in a positive way. I particularly liked the way you had saved notes from my first contact for counselling so that at the end we could re-cap and ensure all my issues had been worked through. What was really interesting is the way you helped me to work through my problems rather than just suggesting solutions to me. I enjoyed my "eureka" moments where suddenly a penny would drop and I would see something from a completely different perspective. Thanking you so much,
-
"Kate Stewart helped us at a time when we were approaching rock bottom in our relationship. We both found her to be friendly, very approachable and reassuring. She helped us to communicate at a much deeper level and to understand the other's point of view. We would thoroughly recommend Kate to any couple going through relationship difficulties"
-
"Katrina is amazing! With her help my husband and I are back ‘on track’. Katrina reassured us that both of our feelings count and because of this Katrian gained our trust instantly. She quickly helped us to identify what could be causing our issues and how we can use simple techniques and solutions to resolve/manage/accept them. We are still using those tips now and we still remind each other when we need to of the wonderful guidance Katrina gave so that we can continue to benefit from it whenever we need to"
-
"I have recently been helped by Helen Lamming and through my sessions I can honestly say I have felt improvement. She helped create a open and friendly platform in which we could discuss the relevant topics that helped ease my overall stress and anxiety. I would recommend Helen very highly and I would not hesitate to book further sessions if I felt the need. I would also recommend the online sessions and found them far less stressful that adding extra travel to my day.
-
"Andy gave us what we needed and at a pace we could manage. He joined with us in our exploration so the Julie-and- I duo became a trio with And; working together to resolve our issues. After each session we felt empowered to take away what we had discussed so that we may consider this in greater depth in our own time. He was never the passive wall or mirror (which would have irritated and blocked our learning) but an active participant in our striving to move forward .
-
Trish Mayne
"Thank you for a really good session Trish. We were feeling really stuck for a time. You listened and helped pull us back into a place where we could think and makes things feel better. We are very glad we chose to turn to you for guidance. "
-
Elaine Brown
"Thank you so much for everything you have done to help the situation with our marriage. We have learnt a lot but still have a way to go but you have helped more than we can of expected"
-
"We didn’t think we would be sat here together having enjoyed a family Christmas, when this time last year we felt we were at the end. Thank You for helping us find a way forward that suited us, and for your knowledge and understanding. We now are looking forward rather than dreading the future"
-
"Although my wife was not comfortable discussing our marital problems with a counsellor herself, Trish really helped me understand how to approach the issues, and gave us a good foundation/plan to build upon. They say the first step is to talk about the problems, and talking with Trish really helped!. Was the first time (aged 48) I have had any kind of counselling, which filled me with fear, but within a couple of minutes of the Zoom meeting Trish put my mind at rest."
-
"Just to say Thank you for your help, it has been invaluable and it was wonderful confiding in someone so warm and non-judgemental. The sessions were priceless in how they improved our communication and overall relationship. The tools we've learnt will be invaluable taking froward"
-
"We found Sian to be such a huge help in our quest for improving our communication skills. Sian will teach you how to think about your behaviour and what it's linked to so you learn to understand yourself and your partner a whole lot better. This is an invaluable technique,. She is also warm & fun which really helps!:)"
-
"We weren't sure what to expect, or even if it would help. Best money we ever spent!" Trish helped us, as a couple and as individuals, and we have learnt some valuable tools we will continue to use. And we are happy to say, we now feel the strongest we ever have"
-
"We saw Sian for some marriage counselling online and found that she has an amazing ability to explain back to you EXACTLY how you are feeling, both me and my husband just couldn't believe it! It was like she had experienced every single feeling we had at some point so she could really relate to it. At no point did she judge either of us such she just helped understand each other's perspectives and got us actually communicating properly again! Thank you!
-
"We felt having a space to talk in that was safe and supportive was really helpful. The sessions were very well managed and structured by Jolanta and there was an understanding and empathy with our situation which felt comforting. We were each allowed a decent time to talk and reflect" "Thank you Jolanta – you were very kind and understanding and we really appreciated the lack of judgement and desire to help us with your reflections and ideas"
-
"Relationship counselling with Judy was a positive experience for both of us. The initial questionnaire was a good way to get us to think deeply and try to identify issues we had and wanted to address" "Judy seemed to understand where each of us was coming from and tried to get us to see the other person's point of view"
-
"The Irish" (ha ha ha!) cannot thank you enough for all you have done for us Stephanie. It's been a steep hill but we finally got there, we will never forget what you have done for us and all being well we won't be back!! :))"
-
After only 2 appointments with things started to get better and then continued to grow each session after that. With our new communication skills and understanding of each other I feel like we are back in love again! I would tell anyone not to be scared or embarrassed and it is worth every penny"
-
"My wife point blank refused to seek help for our problems with marriage counselling because she saw this as a failure she didn't want to admit to. Neither of us wanted to separate but we wanted to feel happy again. When I called Relationship Counselling Surrey to ask her advice they were so helpful! Although my wife was still hesitant to attend it's helped us greatly. We didn't even realised how stale things were and how mundane our lives had become. inspired us with new vigour and understanding and we are both happier now and actually looking forward to our retirement together rather than dreading it"
-
"It's been good and it's been bad..................... but knowing what we know now .... we should have done it years ago! Thank you thank you thank you!"
-
"Highly recommend - I contacted Relationship Counselling Surrey for an appoinment w because I was concerned that my reaction to the small irritating things my partner was doing was getting out of hand. I was anxious, angry and upset on a regular basis. I tried to blame him for a while but I started to realise it was me and not him. I saw Sophie Hill for a few months, once a week, and began to understand why I was reacting the way I was. This understanding was half the battle, and was incredibly revealing. I learned not to let my hurt feelings turn to anger and frustration, and deal with them in a different way. I feel like my old self again now, I'm more in control of my emotions, and much happier in my relationship. Sophie was sympathetic, caring, open and I think genuinely happy for me when I started to feel better”
-
"As you know Michelle I have tried very hard to get over my wife's affair. Unfortunately I haven't been unable to forgive and forget and now know I never will. Although the whole experience has hurt like hell, I couldn't have done it without you. You helped me through it by giving me time, patience and a different perspective. I know more about myself and relationships than I ever did before and I'm hoping one day I will see some good in what's happened. Hopefully this will help me in my next relationship"
-
"Having Rose help us talk through our problems helped us both see each others point of view and see things more clearly. Our marriage is much stronger now that it has been for years – thank you so much"
-
"We knew we needed to separate but wanted to do so amicably for the sake of our two children. Andrew made this possible by offering us the support through a very difficult time"
-
"Thank you for putting our marriage back on track!"
-
"When my wife suggested that we should see a relationship counsellor but I thought it was a stupid idea and was very sceptical and cynical!. However, Allie made us both feel very relaxed from the outset and she never took sides in any of our conversations. Unfortunately we were not able to save our relationship but Allie helped us through the difficult process and made the separation so such much easier. I would recommend her to anyone who is having problems"
-
"Although my partner was reluctant to go to couples therapy our therapist put us both at ease straight away. I was surprised how he opened up and I was able to see things from his perspective for the first time. I know that he understands me more now and we are closer than ever"
-
"I didn’t think there was any hope for our relationship as all we did was argue and shout at each other. We went to see Sian at relationship counselling Guildford and she was so patient and understanding and always saw things from both points of view. We are now at a stage where we can at least communicate without getting angry. We are still working on our relationship but now feel at least there is light at the end of the tunnel"